hmmm. one of the biggest things for me is stagnation, like i’m not getting anything out of the relationship/friendship, or when it’s superficial with no depth. when u get the feeling like it’s just not going anywhere, no real growth or development, or like u just don’t gel with the person anymore no matter what angle you try to approach it. definite signs it’s time to dip. for me, the difficulty of cutting it off really depends on the depth of friendship shared. if it was a strong friendship, it may be a little more difficult, if it was surface all along, it’s easy. i don’t know if there is a practical way, per se. things just kind of drift apart and both people tend to know it. usually it’s just a matter of finalizing it with a conversation or something.

Umm umm ummm…. great topic… for me as far as friends go it depends on the level of friendship how i handle letting them go. But there are ALWAYS signs to tell you that this relationship is unhealthy. Follow that inner spirirt man (so not tryin to be deep) but some call it your gut your conscience whatever you call it its there and it gives you those special vibes of knowledge on the inside and they tell you it time. I usually jus let it end naturally. Normally i notice when people dont call me and im doin all the callin its a one sided relationship so i jus stop callin eventually it will phase out sometimes they start callin like what happened then you kindly speak and continue to not call. It will end naturally. Some people like to actually go to this person and tell them “look dont call me our friendship is over” and again depending on he situation will i take this step if its not important enough for me to care ill jus let it simmer down.

Now as far as opposite sex relationships i have yet to master this one but the ending it via text email v.mail or thru a friend is kinda rude unless this person is eratic and crazy then by all means stay away. But this one gets tricky in my eyes so ill pass on a definite answer. But i have found breaking up in person to be very emotional for me as well soooooooooooooo im at a loss maybe you can assist Tprissy what are your thoughts… dont worry ill wait lol

Suz – would you say that’s it’s necessary to always have a “i’m ending this friendship” convo? Or, is it acceptable just to silently pull away?

@ Suz i totally agree with growth development and gel’n… cant have a friendship with out it a true friendship that is!!!

yea i second tht ques…

@priss – one more point on how to know it’s time to move on – when the everything about the person starts agitating and irritating you. i’m not the type of person who if i’m a circle, will try to fit myself into a square. some situations are so obvious it’s time to move on but people don’t want to accept it. i would encourage people in that situation to not try to make something work that isn’t for you to work in. just accept the change of season and move on. but to answer your question, no i don’t think it is always necessary. sometimes in certain situations, going into all the whys will only cause confusion and more misunderstanding, especially if the other person is not on the same page and/or doesn’t see what you see. Sometimes it is better to just pull away and let God do the rest. They’ll be aight. it just depends on the dynamics and circumstances, and general vibe of the relationship. i’ve been in the situation more than once and have done both the convo and the pull away depending on the dynamics.

Cool cause im not that type chic. If its needed ill follow suit if not great im good with movin on. Hope you succeed wish u the best and on to the next one

alot of times, we call interactions friendships, but they really aren’t upon further examination. to me, friends and associates are two different things. my real friends are people i can be transparent with and vice versa, people who get me, and i get them, people i gel with and they gel with me, we challenge each other, and are constantly growing in the same direction, and are able to keep doing all of the above through the seasons of life. these are people i have history with and who know me inside and out and vice versa. i don’t call surface relationships friendships, i know what categories people are in in my life so it’s not hard for me to release more surface-y relationships. unfortunately, alot of times, the other person may be looking at u as more than how u are looking at them.

See thats my thing im starting to look @ these so called relationships in every area of my life evaluate them and put them in the order they need to be in bc for so long i have mad epeople friends that are clearly not that. And even though there is longevity it still doesnt mean “friendship” i know what a true friend is and i have yet to meet one to come close (shout out to CA) there have been many imposers and imposters and even a few close calls but im finding out none are like this friend… I have been blessed though to gain a few more that are on the path and im grateful. But ive made it my business to not force friendships and not “make” somebdy my friend just bc.

This is def a great topic. I totally agree with Suz. I think alot of times we get confused and don’t keep relationships in proper perspective. Everyone is NOT your friend. And although they seem to have your best interest in heart, when you really evaluate the exchange in the “friendship” if you both aren’t there for the betterment and growth of the other then what is the purpose of the relationship. I have enough people to argue with either within my siblings or outsiders. If I find that we are constantly bumping heads that can totally be a sign that we need to evaluate this. Another thing is as my friend I shouldn’t feel pressured to be a friend to you. This is definitely a flag. And in some situations it may not be that you have to “cut someone off” but more like put the relationship in proper perspective. Maybe you’re looking at someone as a friend that should really be an associate…..Those are my thoughts for now.

Awww Thanks Kea!!!! You’re the bestest too!!! (insert big hug)

I asked the question, so obviously I have a lot of thoughts/experience on this topic.

One of the biggest things that I’ve found that is common with all of my “faulty” friendships are those who are intimidated by me. I’m saying this at the risk of sounding arrogant, but not meaning to be. I don’t like it when so-called friends are in constant competition with me. It’s annoying, draining and unfair. Whenever it gets to that point I have to “Chris Brown” them….(and not beat to a barely recognizable state, though the thought may cross my mind, but throw up the Deuces). I’ve found that it’s best to keep your intimate circle small, 1 or 2 people. When you start to get into 2′s and 3′s of intimate relationships, you’ve probably misplaced some people.

As far as letting go, there are always signs. #Tolerance Level at an all tine low – when you start to really get annoyed with everything a person says or does, that usually means that there is something to fix or that their time in your life has come to a close. #Differing Interest – When you start noticing that you and the other person simply don’t share the same interest anymore. Rather than trying to force it, sometimes you just gotta let it go. #Lack of Development – If it’s been a number of years and the person isn’t growing in a positiive direction and they are becoming burdensome, it’s probably time to move on.

I could go on and on, but for the most part you gotta trust your spirit when it tells you to let go.

As for relationships with the opposite sex, that gets a little tricky. There are so many various dynamics involved. Are you married or dating? Are there kids involved? Those are major factors that make a HUGE difference. If you’re married it’s not a matter of just walking away. It’s supposed to be for better of for worse and it always best to attempt to work it out before calling it quits, especially if there are kids involved.

But the truth is, there is no cookie-cutter response to this. You have to seek God for direction in every relationship and with every decision you make in life. That’s the only way you’ll be able to move on in peace.

ditto constance and also kia. kia i love that point u said about, just because longevity is there doesn’t mean it is a real friendship. toya great points as well. i can always tell if someone is the type of person i could be real friends with, or if they are someone who is going to go in the associate box. you may hang out with associates, but that doesn’t mean they are an inner court friend. also, a person who is a real friend is going to let you into their inner world; it isn’t just going to be you revealing yourself but they don’t do the same. i am blessed to have people i really call friends in my life that i have known for a long time and they are really friends. i could probably count the on one hand and i’m totally okay with that..

I know recently I have been let go recently. And I didn’t see it coming. But for me I know when I start caring. Its time to let go. What I mean is that I don’t even care enough to argue. That is my red flag that it is time to let go.

Yeah Rico – numbness is another sign of extreme hurt, bitterness and unforiveness. When that’s present it may be time to let go OR it could be time to just let it all out.

This is a sensitive topic and you all have made valid points. People get hurt because they call everyone friend. Friend is a covenant word. You may be a coworker and we get along but that does not mean you are my friend. You may be a friend of a friend and we are cool but are you really my friend. Don’t be afraid to call someone an associate if that is what they are. Inner court, outer court is how I look at it and being in the outer court does not necessarily mean a bad thing. A true friend, you don’t have to talk to everyday but when you do talk it’s still smooth and you pick up as if you did talk everyday. If tension arises, step back and examine the relationship. It could be time to step back or a growth opportunity. People look at pressure as a way of escape when that real friend is there to help you grow. Don’t mix up the signs. If it is time to part, I really think it would be peaceful and no hard feelings on either part cause it is a mutual thing. If its time to part due to negativity, drama and lack of growth and they try to resist, that’s when you pray for their healing and move on. Every situation is not the same. And if you’re really honest, there always are signs. The thing is did you see it.

Suz this statement is on point “a real friend is going to let you into their inner world; it isn’t just going to be you revealing yourself ” and i totally agree its got to be a two way street when you pour they pour and you both fill the cup together…

Shik u have good points there as well ladi

And then ppl who are in you life and they always give advice but never take any….that’s also a one-sided relationship. Friendship is meant to be an exchange between two people. If I have to hide, be fake, tell you what you want to hear…that we’re not friends. With true friends you can be vulneralble and not afraid of them turning it around against you.

Girl u preachin now…. CHUUUUCH!!!! well i guess after this there isnt much left to say but COSIGNED, STAMPED, & AGREED!!!! AND IM OUT!